Saving your Kiss – from The Guy's Bride's Perspective

My dating history was a bit different from my husband. I had dated several guys in high school and college and kissed every single one of them, even some guys that I wasn't necessarily dating. The standard in church when I was growing up was "don't have sex" and it was left at that. There were very few open discussions about sexual purity other than --- don't do "it". Talk of other forms of physical affection were never discussed, ever. So, my mentality was often --- if I am not having sex, then I am still a good girl. I never did have sex in fact with any of those boys (praise the Lord!) but things often went further than they should. I rarely had strong conviction of those things when they were happening or even after, because again- it was not sex and I had convinced myself that I was doing nothing wrong. I never fully realized the impact of such relationships until I met my future husband.

This guy literally swept me off my feet and out of a bad relationship. He was genuine, kind and godly. I respected him like no other guy I had ever known. However, when he brought up the notion of not kissing I was seriously taken back. I mean, we were grown-ups right? I had graduated from college and was living on my own. I could kiss a guy if I wanted to, I thought. I did not understand how you could be in a relationship and not kiss. Wasn't a kiss supposed to "prove" your love for someone? Apparently I thought so for some strange reason.
Having been severely self-conscious for most of my life, I assumed that when a guy kissed me that he liked me --- he really, really liked me (boy was I wrong!). I felt as though I was important and special when I was kissed or touched by a guy. This guy was the first guy to show me that physical affection is not what a relationship is built on.

One night early on in our relationship we had set up a time to discuss our past relationships. This guy desired to know my physical history --- I was mortified to tell him! Never before that evening had I thought so ill of myself or my actions with other guys. I literally felt sick to my stomach - as if all of the guilt of those past relationships hit me all at once because I was looking at my future husband! I had to count out all the guys I had kissed and tell this man, that might actually be the husband chosen for me, through tears everything else I had done.
It was that moment when I realized how prized your body really is and how it is truly meant for your spouse and NO ONE else. All of those kisses I had given away were meant for my husband, they were meant for the man that God had for me, they were meant for this special guy. They were not free kisses for the taking - they were not even mine to give. I wasted so many of them.

I like to tell young people. . . don't give your kisses away, they belong to your future spouse! They are not yours to give- and be prepared to tell your future spouse everything you do physically with someone else...its a miserable talk to have! I still cringe when I think about that night, having to tell him about all of the kisses that were stolen from him by my carelessness. He deserved better than that!

My guy told me once that when it came to physical purity, he did not want to start something he could not finish. That sentence immediately made me understand his desire to wait --- on kissing and everything else. He was right. We weren't designed to kiss and then stop. Kissing was meant to lead to the next thing and on and on and on. As soon as he said this to me, I was hooked on his decision to wait. It clicked all of the sudden and made perfect sense to me. I remember at one point during our engagement that the thought of kissing was brought up again and I immediately said no way! If we have waited this long I want to keep waiting.

I have to note that our flesh is a weak tool that Satan uses against us very easily. There were a handful of times (and by handful, I mean less than 5) in our relationship where while we refrained from kissing we allowed other things to happen. As you know, when you are in love with someone it is hard to tell your body to stop. We fell into temptation a few times and were instantly remorseful. While we kept our kiss for our wedding day we were not as pure as we intended. However- I was immensely proud of us for saving our kiss and our virginity for each other. As hard as it was and as much as we wanted to fail, we held out. Sometimes I feel silly telling people we waited until our wedding day to kiss, but deep down I am so proud. This is a story I hope to tell our children one day- the good, the bad and the ugly- in the hopes that they will realize how important it is to wait...on everything.