Mother's Iron Will and Faith Help Family of Nine Survive Tragedy - Atlanta Journal Article, 2000

The initial shock and disbelief registered on each face. As word filtered through the community, in the grocery stores, ballparks and churches, neighbors cringed and shook their heads. Inevitably, each person wrestled with the same question.  Why?
After 10 months, a satisfactory answer has yet to emerge. In all likelihood, one never will.

Bobby Apon, a handsome, talented young man, blessed with a loving wife and eight beautiful children, ended his life last May. The sad news echoed throughout south Cherokee, a community awash in families with young children.

Apon, one of the founding members of the popular Christian contemporary group NewSong, had fastened a rope to a tree limb near Lake Allatoona, slipped the noose over his head, then stepped into the next world. His body was discovered shortly afterward by fishermen.

A few hours later, six miles down the road in Towne Lake, a sheriff's deputy appeared at Lori Apon's front door, flanked by a group of neighbors. The deputy, worried how a mother of eight would respond to the devastating news, recruited a support group before ringing the bell.

"I opened the door, and the sheriff flashed Bobby's driver's license in front of me," Lori recalls. "I knew it was bad news."   One of the neighbors was sobbing loudly.

"The deputy said to 'Go ahead and just scream, ma'am. That would be perfectly acceptable,' " Lori says. "He just didn't know there was no strength to scream . . . just a hole in my heart."  She had just finished bathing her babies when the deputy and neighbors interrupted her nightly ritual. She now faced the daunting task of telling them the grim truth.

How do you explain to your children daddy is never coming home again?

Before Lori gathered her little ones that evening, she asked some close friends to come to her home for support. The children, and the guests, formed a large circle in the family room.

"As of tonight you will have a new daddy," Lori told the eight. "Jesus is going to be your daddy now."

She doesn't remember what she said next, but the older children began putting the pieces together. Before long, tears filled the room. Mom slowly made her way around to the children, hugging each one and praying, specifically, for each. "I told them we would grieve as long as is necessary," Lori says. "I wanted them to know it is OK. We're still grieving. We still miss him."

She says she has shared everything she knows about her husband's death with the family, though she knows most are too young to understand the details. "I just don't want to be in a situation where I have to remember who knows what," she says. "And I don't want them learning about this anywhere else. I think it's important that they hear it from me so we can talk about it."

What Lori has been unable to tell her children --- or anyone else for that matter --- is exactly why Bobby took his life. Certainly, there were personal struggles to deal with but nothing she wouldn't help him through.
When she met Bobby in 1985, she was 25, and he was 27. It was love at first sight.
Bobby, a gifted vocalist who helped form NewSong in 1981, soon asked her to marry him. They wed the next year.

"He was my best friend," she says. "He was the nicest man you'd ever want to meet. He was a wonderful husband and a devoted father." But Apon was not a perfect man. And his human frailties sometimes conflicted with his deep Christian beliefs. There was guilt and shame. Bobby frequently shared with his wife about his inner turmoil and the demons that tormented him.
In 1993, he quit NewSong, and the almost nonstop touring, to spend more time with his family. But Bobby continued to struggle with the demons. His wife and minister stood by him. They prayed for Bobby's strength. On May 17, 1999, the demons prevailed.

Some people might be fooled by Lori's soft eyes, gentle voice, quiet demeanor and slender frame. If you didn't know better, you might believe the 39-year-old widow is ill-equipped to raise eight youngsters by herself, let alone run a vibrant household. In truth, as her friends and neighbors have come to appreciate, she has shown herself to be a woman of iron will, profound faith and steely determination.

"I can't sum up in words what it is has meant to be around her," says Loren Garofalo, a longtime friend of the family. "To be honest, this has been the most incredible spiritual experience of my life. I've grown more in faith by watching Lori over these past few months than in any Bible study I could attend, or weekend retreat I could go on. She has shown me, in the flesh, what it means to live out your faith in all things."

Each morning, the family is awake by 6:30. All the children are home-schooled by mom, who gives them an hour of lessons before breakfast is served at 8. Lori, who puts a strong emphasis on interaction among family members, prepares home-cooked meals three times a day. She bakes her own bread. She is careful to keep refined sugar out of the children's diet. Everyone sits together at mealtime. The only television in the home is used one day a week, on Sunday, to show a video. "It's our family movie night," Lori says. "The kids love it."

Each evening, after all the children get a bath, mom breaks out the Bible to lead family devotion time. She goes around the room and asks the children what made them happy that day, what made them sad, and what they have to give thanks about. They all participate. "I want them to openly discuss their feelings," Lori says. "And I want to openly share mine with them. It's my favorite time of the day. It's also the most important part of the day."

There are daily 'miracles'.  Lori knows she has much to be thankful for. So thankful, in fact, she has made it a habit to share her innermost thoughts through newsletters she e-mails to friends across the country.
Shortly after her husband's death, Lori began sending regular messages to approximately 50 friends and acquaintances. Moved by Lori's powerful stories of faith and perseverance, her friends began forwarding the messages to others. Now, approximately 500 people across the nation regularly receive updates on the Apon family. "You wouldn't believe the number of people I hear from," Lori says. "I get notes from all over. It's such an encouragement to us. At devotion time, I read the e-mails to the children."

Last spring, Bobby's tragic death caused a ripple of sadness in the community. Since then, stories of Lori's life have caused a different kind of ripple. "Her story has been incredible," says Garofalo. "She is a living testimony to faith and the power of prayer."

Men from the church have scheduled regular work days to hang shelves, paint rooms, work in the yard, organize the garage. Women from the church help Lori with grocery shopping, organizing her home and other needs. Families have signed up to take her children on day trips so she can enjoy some free time. Other friends chauffeur the children to sports activities.

Then there are Lori's daily "miracles." Most are small needs that have been met. Some are not so small.
A stranger called the Apon home one Sunday saying he wanted to give the family a new washer and dryer. It was a need Lori had shared with no one but God.  In November, the family vehicle --- an old hotel van --- breathed its last. An anonymous donor sent Lori a check, written in the exact amount of a replacement van she had found but couldn't afford. On another occasion, a day after she realized she needed a new winter coat, a box was dropped on her front porch, sent from a friend in Wisconsin. Inside was a red winter coat, identical to the one she had envisioned. "Coincidences" happen quite often in the Apon home.

"We still struggle day to day with our grief," Lori says. "But we give thanks for how we've been blessed. I guess I could have chosen to walk in bitterness, but I've chosen forgiveness.

"It's not denial; it's a choice."

Cherokee Columnist - Glenn Hannigan